WHY?

 “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.” 
—Henry David Thoreau

On my last day of retreat in 2015 I wrote about why I did such a long retreat and what I learned over those many months. It came out this way:

“To let go, be purged, purified, washed by the night rain, seen-through by the full moon; to be liberated, freed, let loose from all the samsaric bounds of suffering. To step out anew, cleansed. To see with fresh eyes.  To listen to others, but not be entangled. To always be aware of the deep silence that supports us.  To return to the source, drink there, be renewed and step out again.  To let that compassionate heart flow and spill over. To listen. All these things I have learned over twelve months.”

And I always remember that I am not doing this for myself,
but for all those who cannot do this themselves, at this moment:

I Do It For You.
For all those who have others depending on them, 
who cannot get away for a long retreat;

For all those with health issues that  keep them from that long flight, 
from those long walks, from those long hours of practice;

For all those whose ties bind them to daily toil that they may not like;
For all those committed to caring for and giving to others who need them;

For all of those who cannot yet find a clear way through;

For all those raising little ones who someday will grow into fine, caring adults;

For all those who yearn to be on a solitary retreat and may follow this path, 
because they knew someone who has done it.

I Do This For you.

What do you get from a solitary retreat? The wise ones speak of: a deeper engagement with your practice, real growth in self-acceptance,more equanimity and spaciousness of mind, some real access to calm, greater loving kindness / compassion in life, possibly some transformative experiences with meditation, a real depth of realization, unceasing moment to moment experiences of practice, intimate contact with motivation, an ability to bear witness without an escape hatch, nothing to distract you, and an engagement with everything you have been trying to avoid; I found all of this to be so very true.

Many thanks to these wise elders: Shugen Sensei, Jamgon Kontrul, Reginald Ray, Guy Armstrong, Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel, Dh. Kamalashila, Urgyen Sangharakshita.